worst thanksgiving ever.
Everything you just said was right. You’re the only person that has called me out on it. My insecurities, how I’m always down on myself, how I’m negative about almost everything that goes on in my life and how its fcking annoying to be around me when I’m like that. So, I apologize. I’m sorry that you’re always that one that has to say the same things to me over and over again to make me feel better. I’m sorry that you have to put up with me like that. I’m sorry that I never actually change my ways when I say I’m going to. You’re right. Even though its hard to hear, especially coming from you..the way I’ve been living my life and acting is stupid.
I need to start accepting myself for who I am and not dwell on my flaws. I need to change. I need to be positive and tell myself that everything is going to be okay instead of running to you whenever I have a problem. I need to keep trying when things don’t go well for me the first time. I need to follow through when I say I’m going to do something instead of making excuses of why I can’t do it. Since I’m always tripping about things like grades and my weight. I need to study more to get good grades and I need to go running and do more physical activities to lose weight. I need to be more assertive and take more initiative in life. If I want to meet new people I should put my self out there and not be worried about what they think of me. I need to stop being so reserved and thinking that I’m a burden to people and that I’m bugging them when I’m with them. Especially you.
I know that you could get other girls and everything but the fact that you chose me should make me happy and feel special. It does, but I need to stop thinking that you would drop me whenever I make a mistake. I need to stop thinking that I’m gonna lose you at any moment. You told me yourself that you’re not gonna give up on me, give up on us anymore. I need to start believing it more because I know that its true.
So, note to self:
- start taking initiative, dont let life pass you by.
- start being more optimistic.
why do i fck up so much? sighhh :l
I’m scared that I’m not strong enough to go through this on my own.
I am completely drained of energy.
1. Focus on school, get good grades, studystudystudy to go to socal!
2. I am super unhealthy and out of shape now. Eating out too much and since I don’t play tennis anymore I don’t get any exercise. SO, I am going to start running every morning @ 7am around the neighborhood with my sister. okay? okay. I hope I can stick to this. SIGH. :l
3. Be a better person.
1. my dad
- Turn back time
- Do something to make you proud